All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
