tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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