Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
