She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
