THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
