My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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