At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
