butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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