I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
