So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
