All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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