If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
