At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
