two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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