We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
