i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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