i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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