Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
