dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
