everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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