It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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