Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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