After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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