dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Still dying that you shit outside
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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