Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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