evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
