The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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