I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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