dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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