I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
