I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
