So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So many bounce houses so little time
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
