I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
