Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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