Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i think my cat just said my name.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
