Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
That's intense
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
