I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
