Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
