the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
