I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
