The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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