Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
