just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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