sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
