My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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