this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
