She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
