Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
