I just threw up on my dentist
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
