oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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