Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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