My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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