dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
