I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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