Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
