he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
